look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
