i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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