Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
