Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
