he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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