capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
