Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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