Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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