for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
