I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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