your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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