Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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