u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I could fuck to npr.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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