I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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