i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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