sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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