ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
