WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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