the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
