I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
