"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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