Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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