So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
