Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize