She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
