Someone shit on the floor
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
