So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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