The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
