K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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