Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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