addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
