i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize