I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She bit a glass in half.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
