So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
