OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
