Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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