Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
