The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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