My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
