i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
