i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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