DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
