i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
