i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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