my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
