she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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