Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
