never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
