During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
