She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
