Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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