it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
