I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
