I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
