I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
