I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
