his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
