The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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