She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
