Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
