Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
