New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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