smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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