I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
