I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize