My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
