i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
