I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
