Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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