i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
