he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
