Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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