He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
