haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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