God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
