Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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