Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
