I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
