doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
