What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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