Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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