Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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