i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
