when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
