So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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