I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
