There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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